F*ck God Sometimes

Almighty imagination, are you there? It is me, again!

Trying soo hard to convince me that I am not talking to myself, hoping to hear a different voice from deep within. It has been a long minute since we last spoke.

I am certain that you can hear me, right? You are God!

What language do you even speak? I have been speaking to you in English and my mother tongue for a while now and you still do not understand me. I followed your rules, occult like. I accepted you as my lord and saviour, more than once. I got baptised, twice! They said you would recognise me if I was born again. You have to admit that I GOT HEART!

The doctrine that is Christianity became my life. I fought the good fight and I felt worthy of your excellence. Well... that was a joke! Romans 8:38-39 is a lie, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 is a lier and Deuteronomy is a liest. You could not even do what I asked for when I spoke to you in tongues. I did not even understand half the nonsense I was spewing. My pastor at the time said it will take me time to understand the "spiritual language". For now, I should focus on speaking from my heart. Still... you did not hear me.

I am starting to think that believing in you is not in my best interest, my faith has been tested thrice too many times by you and your so-called "children". My life already brings me to my knees, why can you not lift me up? Something must be wrong with me, I cannot comprehend the delays in my blessings.

Guilt drove me to the altar, I asked for your intervention because life was dishing out everything except your promises. Weapons formed against me were prospering (Yoh Jeso!), what in the Judas is going on!?

Your children welcomed me into their self-righteous club. I figured their energy or way of life would rub off on me and help me get closer to you. We evangelised, held conferences and did charity work in your honour. It felt good, I was a part of something bigger than myself. On the inside though (damn), my trials and tribulations made me feel insignificant.

I got bored with pretending everything was okay. I volunteered frequently for the church in hopes that I would gain your favour. Your children are pretentious little lucifers, walking around like they know they are your favourite. They are always ready to defend you, give explanations to the "less-favoured" like me as to why we continue to suffer. It took me some time to realise that... Bruuuuuh! I am highly flavoured, flavoured.

When I soo desperately wanted to hear from you, one of your kids was ready to quote scripture, on some; God said "nywe nywe nywe". I cannot say that you have not done anything for me, that would be an honest lie. I am privileged to live life the way I do. Many would give anything just to experience what I go through, even if it was just for a day. The thing is, I do not want to be stuck in here.

I have desires that need satisfying, dreams that need to see the light of day and ambitions that require breakthroughs. Why are you holding out on me? I refuse to believe that Satan is the reason for my struggles, why am I even praying to you if Satan keeps winning?

Are you a fraud? Hhmm God!!!

Are you just a figment of a collective imagination of something weird and stuff? I can see past the 2000 years of PR. If I am made in your image, why am I living like a peasant? Does your essence not flow through me? I am human after all, living in a separate dimension from yours.

All I want is to be ALRIGHT. Amen!

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