Letter To My Ex: 1st Heartbreak

I have been questioning if I ever truly loved you; I am starting to think that I was actually in love with the idea of being in love with you [deep sigh] and that made me a prisoner.

I wanted to let go of you with all my being but my being was fixated on you.

What is wrong with me? [screams].

I know… I know that I have healed.

YOU – CAN – NO –LONGER – HURT – ME!

You have lost the power you had over me, the kind of power that amplified the love I had, appreciated my everything, and celebrated my individuality. That’s when I knew we were through, your new power was to hurt, embarrass and drain me of my self-esteem. You wanted a slave and all I ever wanted was a best friend I could do inappropriate things with.

Our time spent together quickly became meaningful, yet slowly died, faded into nothing. Now that you are gone, I have to confront myself. I cannot believe I chose you when you hurt me with your actions. You lied to my face, MY FACE!!! You F@%ing A**h* and I still chose you. You told me that it will never happen again, that was soo comforting to hear.

I knew better, you always had the perfect thing to say to calm me. Your ego was way more important than the love I had for myself. Your exodus from my life came a little too late, I was a coward; Losing you scared me. My fear overshadowed the wonders of life; I should have given life a chance to change things for me sooner.

I made myself a prisoner, I built it, made you the warden, wrote and enforced the rules of how I should behave, and gave you the keys. Freedom lost its meaning, I was yours all the way baby.

I AM FREE NOW! This feels amazing; finally, after all these years [reliefed]. I can only move on if I am honest with myself, I think I need therapy; nothing too deep, I just need to undo all the self-harming habits I developed for your benefit. I do not know where I will get the strength to forgive and love myself once again.

Out of nowhere…I felt overwhelmed with bliss, the kind I have been longing for [smiles]; Is this it? Am I healing? I almost teared up, it was genuine. I was the reason!

You probably will not care but I met someone. They are nothing like you, might not be perfect, though they are what I deserve. I could go on about how fantastic they are, it’s just… I was never a petty partner, I am not spiteful either. All that should matter to you is that I can be me, UNAPOLOGETICALLY!

I feel worthy in my own skin again, I love who I am, UNCONDITIONALLY! You failed to be my friend in our relationship, what kind of friend will you be as my Ex? There is no trace of you in my estate. Our children are nonexistent, thank God we never got married [pheeew].

Our personal achievements became relationship achievements. We eventually had similar life goals, we felt unstoppable; so we thought. The future was well-drafted like the constitution of a new democratic nation.

The memories we created, will live in me as long as I keep reminding myself of what we once were. I can vividly see both our smiles in my head, beautiful!

I wish you well wherever you are, I want you to become a better version of yourself and progress in life. I am grateful that we met, you taught me who I should not be. I liked you better as a stranger, HEY!!!

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