So You Want To Buy A Car

All I wanted was to fix my car, why does it have to be complicated and expensive? Damn!

It started on a chilled Tuesday morning. You know… cool breeze, I just got paid and I won’t be going to work till Thursday, life is good. I took a relaxing 2-hour bath soaking my sexy body in a mixture of salts and essential oils, OOOUUU! Detoxing last week’s shenanigans. Ate a filling breakfast and headed out to the mechanics.

I have a 2005 Opel Corsa 1.7 diesel bakkie and it recently started acting up on me by not wanting to start. I either had to use another battery, jumper cables or push it. My end goal, heading to the mechanics, was to get it starting properly. I did not want to entertain anything other than that, but nooo, it was everything else, other than that.

I started explaining the situation to uncle Rodney (a dark, skinny, 60-year-old looking Zimbabwean), he assured me that he will not rest until my car is in good condition. I should have noticed that red flag bruuuh. I’m relieved that I’ve found someone capable, so I thought. I pop the trunk, he fiddles around with things I think I know the functions of.

He does that thing all mechanics do when they are inspecting your car; steps back, squints eyes, shoves his head in the engine and tastes the oil. Then he says “Young man, you know what? Your glow plugs might be old. That izi why izi struggling to start”.

Do I know what glow plugs are? Naaah! So I’m like… cool let's buy them and replace the old ones. I place an order at the spare shop, the salesman (we'll call him Fajit) is reluctant with helping me get the glow plugs because according to him, such is rarely replaced because they have a long life span.

Did I know that? Hell Naah! Was I concerned? Best believe! At this point, I’m adamant about getting new glow plugs, although the car hasn’t been serviced in a while (I’ll get to it eventually).

All I want is for my car to start normally. Fajit has a dialogue with the mechanic as to why the glow plugs need to be replaced. Fajit concedes and tells me that he will place an order, by the time he receives them he will give me a call to collect them.

This was around 12 pm, I head home to catch up on tasks I have been procrastinating on. I end up laying on the bed, dipping in and out of sleep because every time my phone rings I get up. I’m expecting Fajit to tell me to come and collect the parts.

Finally, he calls around 3 pm; I head to the spare shop to collect the parts. Now... I need to install these new glow plugs and the mechanic that was helping me earlier went home. I ask the mechanics that are still around to help me out, they aren’t willing because they don’t want conflict with uncle Rodney. They refer me to a young dude that apparently works well with small tasks.

Let me tell you, this dude been sitting in the same spot, on his phone ever since I arrived there. How am I supposed to be confident that this dude will do a decent job? HOW SWAY! Alright alright, so I ask him to show me how to install one and I’ll do the rest myself. I was not in the mood for any more delays.

This dude called Blessing agrees, he opens up the hood and I show him the glow plugs. Did this moron not look at me with judgment asking me “what are those”. Really? Are you being for real? What are these? He insists that he has never heard of glow plugs before, well guess what homie, neither have I but I got the damn things leggo (unbelievable nonsense).

He does not even know where to start, I was sure this dude was going to cause further damage to my car. He tells me that my engine is leaking oil as if I'm blind to that fact. Without hesitation he says that my gasket is blown, I need to buy a new one. M@!F#%a your name is Blessing, right? “Yeah”… you should change it to damnation because wow!

Eventually, he finds the section of the engine where to begin unscrewing. He turns back to me and says that he does not have the exact size tube to attach to his ratchet to remove the glow plug, now I need to go buy it or nothing is gonna happen.

I get back with the tube, he takes out one of the old glow plugs, just to realize that the ones I ordered were shorter. WTF!!! I head inside the shop to calmly tell Fajit that he fumbled, he wasn’t trying to take any blame but he assured me that by tomorrow morning the correct size will be ready for collection.

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